Just about everyday I ask my self these three questions:
1. Who am I?
2. What do I want?
3. What works for me?
For the most part I know who I am. I finally honed in on what I really want. But works for me, I'm working on that. For as long as I can remember, I've tried to do anything that seems to work for other people. I used to run track and was decent has child but I wanted to be faster. I saw this one boy and he was so fast and he had this really weird, twisty kind of running form. I thought that if I do that I'll be faster too. I started to condition myself to run like that boy and all I got was constant criticism from my coach and even strangers about how talented I was but how I needed to fix my form. I didn't break out of it until I was almost a senior in high school. Smh.
When I was at a really low point, my son and I were displaced for about eighteen months. I kept taking advise from all different kinds of people. And I would do it all exactly the way they told me to do it. And I found myself stuck. (I had a life changing conversation with one of my earthly guardian angels, and it was instrumental in getting me out of that situation. I'll explain more about that in future posts.) But literally none of it worked. NONE OF IT! To say I felt stuck was an understatement.
At every stage of my life good or bad people have tried to give me advice and because I lacked the confidence in my ability to make good decision due to the fact that I was a truly broken person, I just felt that people who were in much better positions than I, knew better. But honestly, the endless cycle of bad decisions came from a place of not feeling good enough to do anything or for anybody, and trying to do things the easy way. See I've always knew what the right decisions were. I just wanted to take the road that required the least amount of effort. "HA HA HA HA HA HA! Foolish mortal, there is no such thing." At least that's what I wish my current self could have told myself about four years ago.
I had to realize that the things people were telling me to do weren't helping because it was for them. What works for some don't always work for others. It took a while for me to digest the this but I'm a bit of an odd bird. And it's okay because I can honestly say that I love myself. But because I am different, I can't always do things the way people tell me to do them . I have to be very careful not to be cajoled into doing things the the way the world tells me to. And I have to be okay with my process even if it is aberrant.
The quote that says to be true to yourself has a meaning that is more evolved for me because it not just about being happy, it's about knowing who you are cause that is what is going to get you to where you need to be in life. I'm convinced that people we see who are successful took the best advice and stayed true to themselves. No matter how odd, no matter the set backs, not matter what people said about them, no matter what the worlds screams at you, you have to stay true to yourself. For me, I had to really start ignoring the harsh words because people couldn't see the vision the way God gave it to me. But that is the thing about a God given vision, it's what God gives to you alone, in the way you would see it clear. Before Jesus was crucified you didn't read about God telling tens of thousands of other people about it. He gave the vision to Jesus, and Jesus all by himself, had to carry it out. The same goes for your dreams and what you want out of your life. If God gave you the vision, protect it with everything you have because it is that precious. And remember that your gifts, talents, and visions, are all tailored made to your physical, spiritual, and genetic make up.
I leave you with this quote: "Being true to yourself really means being true to all the complexities of the human spirit. " - Rita Dove