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Your Not Dead, It Can Be Fixed

It’s 2018 and I am a thirty one year old single mother of one. If any one would have told my sixteen year old self that, I would have thrown my head back and laughed hysterically until my stomach felt like I did 1000 crunches and tears rolled down my face. I'd hate to admit it but my sixteen year old self, sometimes made better decisions than my grown self. She was determined, and love by no means was more important than her own goals. How the hell did I get so far from her? For me, it was a guy. I absolutely hate that I became that very girl that my sixteen year old self never wanted to be, but it happened.

I used to beat up on myself a lot for allowing this to happen. I have seen so many instances of horrible single mother stories on a personal level that I knew that wasn't the path I wanted for me or a tiny human. I beat myself up even more cause I didn't have an excuse. I was 24 years old when I got pregnant. I knew the drill. I thought I was invincible but I was just being stupid. I bought a pregnancy test that had three tests in it. I took the first test and it said pregnant. My whole entire heart dropped. Then I remembered this story my college teammate told me about how she went to the doctor to see if she was pregnant and the first test he gave her was positive. She said no it is not right and demanded the doctor retest her. It came back positive again. She said no it's wrong, and the doctor test her again. The third test was negative. In my head, that could be my scenario. I took the second test and it came back positive. In fact it said positive faster than the last one. Then I took the last one, just hoping I had the same luck as my teammate and I promise it seemed like it said pregnant as I was peeing on the stick. I turned the shower on and laid on the floor of the shower until the water turned cold crying and beating myself up. I automatically resented this pregnancy. I knew I was going forth with it because I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. Oh, the anguish I felt was insurmountable. And for couple of years after, i still beat up on myself because, I thought I wasn't doing my man cub justice. (Which we'll get into later)

Now being a little more mature I realize the blessing in disguise my man cub was. Having my child completely refocused me. Yes, I was deterred momentarily, (which we will get into much later) But because of all I've been through, I've never in my entire life been so spiritually and mentally tough. Many of the heartaches, disappointments, and hopeless filled moments birth some really awesome creative works. Now, I can't picture a world where my son doesn't exist. But please believe me when I say, that mistake isn't going to happen twice.

I say all that, to say this. One, GOD CAN TURN IT AROUND FOR YOUR GOOD!!!! Two, you have the power to pull good out of any circumstance no matter what it is. Three, there is no use in beating up on yourself and wallowing in a bad decision or mistake. If your not dead then it means, there is still time to make a change. Turning your life around takes a certain amount of strength, creativity, determination, and great faith, which is ultimately the beauty in the entire disaster. You have gained tools and a certain amount of grit that once you get back on the right path, you will be unstoppable.

I leave you with this quote: Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. - Brian Tracy.

Beautifully and Naturally yours,

K. Harmony