It’s that time of year again. That time where everybody is on fire for their goals. That time of year that produced the phrase “New year, new me”. Oh, how I loath the term with all of me. If your fat, you're determined to be skinny. You are determined to finish that book, take that trip, save that money, focus on God, invest in yourself, etc, etc etc. I used to be one of those people. For the first month and a half of every year my level of focus and production was at its highest . Whatever the year was, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, it was my year. The year that I was going to work harder than the year before. However, each year I ended it feeling like it was an epic failure. I made more bad decisions and created an even bigger hole for myself to have to climb out of. As I look back now, each passing year was not a total fail. I used the the more tangible things, like books and plays I’ve been wanting to write and finding ways to have a more financial gain as my barometer for growth. When those things didn't come to fruition, I thought that I had just wasted another year of opportunity due to my procrastination and borderline ADD activity. While all of that is very true, (shaking my head) there was much internal growth being made. Every year I grew stronger mentally and spiritually. I started learning from those bad decision and take corrective actions. So, what felt like a failure of year, actually set me up for this time in my life where I am immensely focused, and obsessed with all my projects. The gag is though, I didn’t wait for the new year to do it. I started mid year 2017 because I decided I wanted more for me and my child and and I just started checking off all things I wanted to do. I started a podcast, I started this blog, and I’m almost halfway through my first novel. All because I changed, my hole digging habits. I’m still in the midst of the change of course. Years of cyclical habits have to be undone and its not an overnight fix. I’m working and learning myself every day. And when I say learning about myself, I’m learning about the things that are good for me, not just what I want. Believe me when I tell you everything that’s actually good for you does not always align with what you actually want to do. But I’ve seen extreme growth in myself which is the most important. (Which is phenomenal because that means God is working in my life and by my side at all times.) No one else is walking this journey with you everyday. And I have learned that as long as can see growth and production in yourself, that is all the validation one needs. As long as you keep trying to outdo yourself, you won’t be stagnant.
So, for the year 2018, I guess the only resolution I have for myself, is just one thing, mindfulness. My goals haven’t changed much over the years so I know what I want. In everything I do I want to be mindful of those goals. Everyday I want to make sure I’m doing something to turn each on of my dreams into goals, and my goals into accomplishments.
I leave you with this quote: Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. - Carl Bard.