I Just Want To Change
One day I woke up and was unhappy with my life. And it's safe to say that it wasn't limited to just this day. Not because of where I was physically but because I knew I was only in this place because of the parts of me that was, lazy, out of shape, insecure, doubtful, hungry, sleepy, dopey, sneezy, etc. I allowed everything and anything to distract me. So, I hopped out of bed and immediately began writing a list of all the things I wanted to change about myself. Please see exhibit A.
The change list
Spend more time with God Read the Bible More
Do a weekly Fast
Trust God More
Be more grateful
Be more obedient
Be more Self Confident
Don’t be so Hard on yourself
Be a better mother
Be more patient
Learn to like yourself
Speak positive affirmations
Do more things you like
Work out more
Wear more makeup
Lose 40 pounds
Where heels more
Now, this is literally one of my many lists out of my journal. However, this is high level, I didn’t go into the romantic and social aspect, dreams/goals, schedules, and routines. By the time I was done, there was so much that I needed to change that I literally got overwhelmed and layed back down. In fact, it kind of sent me into a bit of a depression. How did I send myself into a depression? I’m glad you asked. I felt defeated. First, I needed immediate change, which is why I felt such a sense of urgency. I needed to be everything on this list by the end of the day 5pm. Realistically I couldn’t do that. I mean, I don’t even know if i could be all that in five years. Then I started thinking that I was out of time because I’m 31 and I should have a husband another two kids and house worth half a million by now. The list just highlighted how far behind I was on my life goals and I began to spiral. I got so far into all that I was lacking I didn’t stop to take into consideration how far I had already come. I never stopped to think about how I was already well on my way.
The older you get, and the more you start to realize that time is more finite than you realized as a child. Sometimes it feels like the pressure is on to achieve everything you set out to do. Social media doesn't help, because all you see is people that are already where you are trying to be. Then you watch shows like Black Girls Rock where some 10 year old is a millionaire off of selling organic homemade lemonade and you can’t even get 100 likes on a social media post. With all these factors combined, I hopeless. But I wasn't.
The first thing to do is prioritize. Once you do that, you'd be surprised how changing one thing will change a bunch of other things. For instance, if you change your eating habit, you’ll start to lose weight, which will start to up build your confidence, which will give you more energy to accomplish your day to day task and you’ll start to feel like you're getting somewhere in life.
Second, life is not a sprint and change seldomly comes over night, it at all. Create smaller, realistic achievable goals, that will help you get to where you want to be. That way you’re not feeling so overwhelmed. Also, if you create smaller goals that lead up to the huge ones, you'll be able to see visible progress. Also, I know people think it's corny but visions boards are everything. Being able to see and actually visual what you want does something for the psyche. It helps put things in perspective.
Third, give yourself credit. Stop downplaying the things about you that you have already made better. And the fact that you have a mind to keep striving to be the best version of yourself is a testament to how far you’ve come. Look back at where you were three years ago compared to now. And don’t just look at monetary things because just as quickly as things come, they can go. Pay attention to how much you’ve matured, or how much more slow you are to anger, or whatever your vice is. Those things count most because those are the conduits that will take you to new levels you didn’t even know you could achieve.
Life happens, we make mistakes and we get off track, but if you get to see another day, it's another chance you get to make things better. A little focus makes a world of difference.
I leave you with this quote: You’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day. Just Relax. Master the day. Then just keep doing that every day. - Unknown.
Beautifully and Naturally Yours,